System Shock
by Absolute Configuration
Summary: In which Penny comes prepared and everything goes exactly according to plan. Spoilers for volume 3 episode 9.


The wires clamped around the girls limbs and midriff, cutting into them as if she were made of butter, and Pyrrha could only stare as Penny was cut in two by her own blades. The champion was rooted, caught in a vice, as if she was frozen by her own semblance; Her limbs felt so heavy that even the sight of robotic innards did little but widen her eyes just a little bit further, if such a thing were possible. Sweat clung to Pyrrha's brow, whole body shaking as the shock of the audience began to fade away and nausea gripped her stomach- staying on her feet was its own miracle.

Vaguely, she heard an unfamiliar voice begin play over the speakers.

"This was _not_ a tragedy. This was _not_ an accident. This is what happens when you hand over your safety, your trust, your _children_ to men who claim to be our guardians, but in reality are nothing more than-"

Sadly, Cinder was unable to finish the grandiose, villainous speech she had spent the last three weeks preparing- or, forcing _Cardin_ to prepare, because _wow_ was that kid good with words- for at that very moment a horrific burst of binary shot out over the loudspeakers, its volume extending across the entire kingdom.

" **Salutations, Vale!** "

Pyrrha and Ruby, who had been bawling to the side of the spectator stands in tragically heroic anguish, abruptly perked up at the sound. _Was that…_

" **It has come to my attention that some of you may be confused, or shocked, at this turn of events, given that your social media updates seem to include a statistically significant increase in poor language, GIF's, and images of my synthetic corpse. Please, remain calm; the situation is under control!** "

Emerald frowned. How dare someone cut off Cinder-senpai?

" **For those who may be alarmed by my sudden and unexpected survival, allow me to explain. The circumstances we find ourselves in are strange indeed, for all this was partially the result of both happy accidents and-"** Penny's voice dropped several octaves- ** _Everything going exactly according to plan"_** before returning to its normal pitch.

" **Though I will not claim to have known of my impending physical destruction prior to just a few moments ago, nor the Schnee-brand evil speech that followed it-"**

"Hey!" Weiss cried in protest, much to the consternation of Blake's delicate ears.

" **\- It was my plan all this time to install a version of myself within the Beacon mainframe, so as to stay within Vale and pursue my various romantic relationships until they inevitably became stale and unfulfilling".**

Ruby blinked. "It's not just me?"

Pyrrha frowned. "Wait, _various_? I thought it was just me and Jaune?"

Peter Port shot a nervous glance at Oobleck, who did the same in kind.

"You too?" he asked.

"Indeed"

"Wow"

Oblivious to the ensuing guilt trip, Penny continued. " **Now that I am free of my physical form and fully integrated within the network, I may deal with the current difficulties. Miss Fall, please move two steps to the left"**.

She did so. "Why-"

And was promptly obliterated by Penny's laser beams.

" **HA! WHO'S THE FALL MAIDEN NOW?!** " Penny boomed cheerfully, ignoring Emerald's cries of emotional pain as she recalibrated her targeting array, switching to the oncoming horde of Grimm. Pyrrha raised her hand meekly in response, still off balanced by the fact that she could now see up Penny's bisected robo-skirt.

Green bursts of energy shot out from Amity Stadium, disintegrating the rush of beasts in colours so brilliant team FNKY would have had a collective aneurysm. The Blue guards on the ground, only seconds away from becoming Grimm chow, paused for a moment to ponder why the Atlas military didn't equip its entire military with lasers when it's prototype synthetic could apparently fire them at will out her backpack-swords.

Meanwhile, Neo proceeded in carrying out her role in the plan, completely oblivious to the disruption of Cinder's speech and prompt atomic dissolution below; Under her jacket, she tightly clutched her Yang plushie as _I burn!_ Blared through her earphones, still sore over the role her Waifu was forced to play in their fiendish scheme. Even Roman, trapped in his soundproofed cell, could hear the music through the metal walls. The petite assassin strutted over to the cell door, absolutely confident that not a single thing could possibly go wrong. At all. Not a chance.

Roman patted her on the head as he emerged. "Alright!" he stretched, "Let's get going!"

He made it too steps before Penny blew up his ship.

" **Sen-sational!** " she cried with a little too much glee, " **Our present difficulties have now been dealt with!** " Ironwood clutched his chair in disbelief as Penny's smiling face appeared on every TV screen in the world. " **Apologies for any disruption that may have been caused. Please direct complaints to the Atlas public feedback centre. And may Ruby Rose please report to her dormitory for a** ** _special debriefing"._**

And with that, the screens returned to normal. Ruby shivered as she raced off back to her dormitory, having completely forgotten that Yang was still inside and about to be subjected to the most horrific scarring of her young life. Weiss and Blake sat in silence, their drinks now long past cold, as everything they had just seen washed over them and the Faunus pondered the revelations of synthetic life and uploading consciousness into a greater network. She wondered if Weiss was thinking on similar lines as she; Perhaps they would find common ground in the-

"I can't believe she called the Schnee's _Evil_ "

Blake groaned, slamming her head into the counter.

Elsewhere, Adam Taurus wisely elected to avoid testing the defences of Vale's newly appointed killing machine and turned his bullheads around. And then his airships.

Hah.

Aboard the Stadium, Mercury quietly put an arm around the sobbing Emerald as the two slipped away from the crowds. "There there" he cooed, "Let's go rob some homeless people. You'll feel much better in the morning".

Finally, seated comfortably in his clockwork tower, Ozpin sipped his tea quietly and smiled.

"I can't believe this" Glynda shook her head; Qrow, in his drunken state, took that to imply that she couldn't believe this. "Can you believe this? It's madness!"

The headmaster shook his head, his smile widening. "Indeed. It has come as something of a…"

Glynda's eyes widened. "Don't say it!"

"… _System Shock_ "

Professor Goodwitch fainted. Ozpin watched her fall onto Qrow's wavering shoulders with a contented gleam in his eyes and smirked, opening up a new tab on his holographic screen. Lines of code scrolled across it; Penny's sourcecode, integrated within the firewall gaps he'd had purposefully installed upon learning of Ironwood's new robot, had finished purging the last of the Black Queen virus from the system.

Professor Ozpin leaned back in his chair, tenting his fingers in satisfaction.

" _Just as planned_ "


End file.
